Dear Doodles,

You left me a year ago yesterday. I couldn’t talk or write about it. I thought about it all day.

You were having breakfast at this time last year.

We were playing now.

I was working and you were sleeping on the couch.

We were rushing you to our vet.

Dad was driving us to the specialist, while I held you in my arms.

They whisked you away and I never saw you alive again.

Even today, when I think of you, there is a tightness in my chest and I can’t breathe. Followed by an ache inside of my body that is indescribable.

The pain is just as fresh today as it was a year ago, but it doesn’t seem to consume me as often. I was really sick a few weeks ago and I remember, day 7 or 8 of what felt like slowly dying, laying in bed and crying when I realized that it had been days since I had thought about you.

It’s quite normal for me to catch myself thinking of what you’d do about some new situation (the new guy on the block walking his cute little pugs 8 times a day) or how our pack has changed because you aren’t here and how you’d change things if you were.

It’s not all sad thoughts but even the happy thoughts make me sad some days. And some days they make me so grateful we had the chance to love your precious little soul.

 

You are missed and loved so very much my sweet boy. My only regret is that we didn’t have more time together. No amount would have been enough.

 

 

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